Where do I start. I left this site about three months ago. It wasn't helping with my case, and personally i found it worse. There were many negative posts, to eachother, and the support was going down hill. But im not here to make a negative post. I've been watching again, and realised all you lovely ladies who were supporting me and others are back, and its good to hear from you :) So i've returned, and so glad i have.
My past couple months have been a bumpy road. When i last posted, i weighed around 136. (Massive, dont deny it. Im tall too. 176cm tall. i dont know how much that is in american terms. & im only sixteen). And full of shame, i now post that i've gotten bigger because of issues that have appeared. My bestfriend and myself both have the same issue and as sick as it sounds, would talk to eachother about how to purge up food, what to eat, how to hide everything. Weight started dropping we were both over the moon. Then one night after a delicious binge, i made my way to the bathroom and got rid of everything. I come out to see my mother standing there. I was caught red-handed. From then on she took away all my pills. Stopped exercise altogether. I wasnt allowed out. Wasnt allowed to leave the table without finishing everything on my plate. (And if your wondering "oh my god... why didnt you avoid it or something!", believe me when i say i tried. so very hard. but coming from a european background, avoiding food would be like avoiding air.) So my mother knew. She didn't tell my dad. Although i started recieving comments from him like "why dont you eat more" "your too skinny". Things became bad. I started self harming again. My bestfriend and me were trying to help eachother, but at the same time, trying to fix ourselves. 
Everything blew over. My mum forgot about it for about 3 weeks or 4. Everything was calm. Then one day, i asked if  was allowed out early in the mornings to run with a friend (i want to keep things private incase someone from my area finds me on here, so lets just call this friend Eva.) Eva had no eating issues, she just wanted to be healthy and fit. They didn't let me out at first. But i managed to twist their arm and was allowed out at 6.00AM to ride my bike to Eva's house, then go running for an hour with her, then come back and get ready for school. We did it for a week and stuck to healthy eating. I found it amazing. I was full, exercising, and content about my weight. It was good doing all this healthy eating with Eva because at school, we were in all the same classes, so everytime we went to get a chocolate or something sweet, the other would stop us. After the week, we found it amazing and tryed for our second week. By Thursday, I had caught the flu (mind you its hasbeen winter here in Australia) and was not allowed out for two weeks. This killed my scales. I had gotten used to this eating and didnt like it. But was too lazy and sick to bring it up. Since then, I've gotten bigger. My mum is happy. I am not. It feels terrible and ive come back to fix myself. 
Summer is coming here in Australia. Well, the weather sure seems like it. 
I've decided that starting Monday of next week, Im going to start running with Eva again. Oh, and this is where you can help in my story... Eva has been my good friend for about two years now. I didn't tell her about my disorder and then once we started running and eating healthy, i stopped it all, so i really couldnt tell her i had a disorder when i was over it. Now things have started to turn, and ive started back my old ways. I dont know if i should inform her or not, incase i pass out running with her or she catches me. What do you think i should do? 
Sorry about this post, I'm being a bit self centered. But i thought to just inform you of what been happening.
I will continue to post, if you follow them. And i would love to make some new buddies :)
Im glad to be back. I want to get back on track.
Think thin
x

• string peas
• chocolate chip pancakes (1 1/2)
• rice cake
• chicken + cheese quesedilla
• starbucks cinnamon dolce latte
• A Huge bowl of chicken noodle soup (granted it was fat free but still...)
• A piece of belgian waffles
  

I was doing so well other the past little while, but I don't know what happened. I just got this urge to binge and purge and binge and purge. I just can't stop!! It's been almost three days of this and I don't want to do this! I don't want to eat until my stomach feels like it may explode! It is so painful, but I keep shoving more food in!! I do this until basically I look like a pregnant woman then I purge, and repeat the cycle. I hope that this ends soon, because I am exhausted.

What do you guys do to cope and get through situations like this? Any comments would be greatly appreciated!!

Hi all

I just read a comment and i was a bit shocked. 

I am 26 years old, i am not sure if some of you think that is to old to be in this community and to old to not have "recovered" Having an eating disorder does not discriminate by age.  I can honestly tell you, i dont think there has been a day in the last 12 years of my life that i havent though about what i eat and how much exercise i do,  I am not underweigh and havent been for sometime as i wanted to get back to "normal", however the harsh reality of all of this is, you will probably live with this for the rest of your life! I will be "normal" for awhile and then look in the mirror and be horrified, i do need to weigh myself every single day and only smoke because i am to scared of getting fat, i dont think that i will ever turn the voice off in my head that tells me to be happy you have to be thin!

This is supposed to be a support community. I would hope that i am not the oldest person here, or maybe my life is worse than i thought.

i feel like im never going to be skinny enough. i feel like i may as well just give up now because ill never be perfect and ill never be skinny. i wish i could re-wind the next month and not eat a thing. someone tell me to keep going! i think i will do a 7 day fast starting from today... should i? anyone wanna join? <3